Emotional Rollercoaster

My first ride on a rollercoaster did not happen until I was in my Junior year of high school.  Until that point, I avoided rollercoasters like the plague.  There was just something in me that did not trust them because they seemed to unnaturally defy the laws of physics and logic.  That particular summer, however, I attended a program at Clemson University and we took an excursion to Six Flags.  Not wanting to seem like odd man out, I took my first rollercoaster ride.  It was an inverted coaster with lots of twists and turns.  Afterwards, I remember thinking, "Hmmm. I enjoyed that, I think."  The next coaster was a traditional coaster with highs and lows. When that ride ended, I began thinking, "Not for me, not so much."  I didn't ride a coaster again for several years and still do not ride them often.  Lately, I have been thinking about "emotional rollercoaster" situations in life.  Like the coasters in the natural some have many twists, turns and loops.  While others are just a lot of up and down. And true to form, I have found that I enjoy the former but, the latter not so much.  For me, I look at the twist and turns as change, possibility, mystery and all of the exhilaration that goes with it.  The ups and downs, are just that... situations or relationships that have extreme highs and low lows.  The kind that make my stomach leap to my throat and have me holding on for dear life.  I realize that just as I have the ability to choose the type of ride, if any, at an amusement park, I have the ability to design the contours of the rollercoasters of life.... or just choose not to take the ride at all.   My actions, my decisions shape my outlook and my outcome....

Self Reflection

So, it has been a while since I posted on this blog.  Perhaps it is because I would have to actually look "Through The Looking Glass" and straight into the heart of some of the things that have been going on in my life and in my head.  You see, I have never been able to censor when it comes to myself... Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am pretty much a open book.  But, admittedly, I have not fully been myself lately.  I have been this caricature based on my essence... a distorted drawing based on the perceptions that others have of me or the fear of what others would perceive.  I have had several people in my life call me "angel" or "perfect" or things along that line... and while I know they mean it as a compliment, I am unable to be flattered because I know my flaws.  Some may say that I should be glad that they are covered by the Grace of God so that others do not always notice them. I think to myself, what good does that serve in the kingdom.  When people say, "I want to be like you"... the response in my head is "You are just like me.. I struggle too...Just desire to be like GOD" and then urge them to build their relationship with Christ and fight the temptation.    But, all too often, fear of their perception good or bad would hinder me from saying what the Holy Spirit was truly leading me to say. Would they think that I'm too radical? Would they think that I am strange?  This past week, I started reading a book called " Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit" by Francis Chan.  One passage in the book challenged me because it posed the question: "Why Pray for His Presence, If You Do Not Want To Do His Will". I honestly had to check myself.  Granted, God is still my center and I still seek relationship and to be more like him.  However, I must admit that for fear of perception, that relationship has not grown as deeply and as quickly as God was calling it to.  I realize that all of the things that I have been praying about, that have yet to manifest are much in part to me "dragging my feet" spiritually.  So, this blog entry is my step out of fear and into freedom.  Please allow me to introduce myself to some and reintroduce myself to others:

My name is LaShonda.. I am a perfectly imperfect earthen vessel, being shaped and formed by the Master Potter.  I struggle with things just like you... but, I choose to fight them with the weapons that God has given me in a pursuit to be the creation that he intended.  So, no more half stepping.. and no apologies for being who God created me to be.  I know that some will fall away, and I am ready to let them go on their journey because time is short and God needs me to get on my grind. ... and guess what? He has need of you too :-)

Much Love and Happiness to all of you!

A Lesson From Natasha

In 2007, Terrance Aeriel, Iofemi Hightower and Dashon Harvey were brutally executed in the schoolyard of Mount Vernon Elementary in Newark, New Jersey.  Terrance's sister Natasha Aeriel was raped, attacked with a machete, shot and left for dead.... But, God had other plans!  Many were outraged by this murder when it happened. As time went on, most forgot.  I have been following the story from the first report.  The first defendent in the slayings was sentenced to 3 life sentences Monday, with the trials of 5 other defendents to follow.  But, that is not my focus.......
I want to focus on the survivor. With all that Natasha went through and lost, she could have given up.  She literally could have cursed God and died.  However, she chose to fight.  She chose to profess her faith and thankfulness to God. In the past month, she has not only bravely testified during the trial but she has graduated from college as well.
The journey of this young lady has humbled me. I confess that I am guilty at times of being ungrateful...of whining, murmuring and complaining.... of threatening to "faint" in the face of some "hard" thing or situation.  No more! I will do better! I will live a life with a more grateful heart.  I will push through whatever may try to block my path, all the while giving God glory. 

Heart Song

Yes - I am brand new
And its not due to my hair, nails or clothes I wear
But because I have been made aware that the inside needed to be upgraded too
I mean that old model was fine for where I used to be
But "used" hearts don't age gracefully in this arduous journey that life can sometimes be
So, you showed me that I must renew this altar of my heart daily.
Watch what my ears hear and my eyes see
Because if I do ears have not heard , eyes seen, nor thought entered into the heart, the things that you have in store for me
Cover me with your grace and glory
Make me bold to stand for all that's TRUE.
Shine your light through me Lord, and draw others to want to shine for you.