Self Reflection

So, it has been a while since I posted on this blog.  Perhaps it is because I would have to actually look "Through The Looking Glass" and straight into the heart of some of the things that have been going on in my life and in my head.  You see, I have never been able to censor when it comes to myself... Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am pretty much a open book.  But, admittedly, I have not fully been myself lately.  I have been this caricature based on my essence... a distorted drawing based on the perceptions that others have of me or the fear of what others would perceive.  I have had several people in my life call me "angel" or "perfect" or things along that line... and while I know they mean it as a compliment, I am unable to be flattered because I know my flaws.  Some may say that I should be glad that they are covered by the Grace of God so that others do not always notice them. I think to myself, what good does that serve in the kingdom.  When people say, "I want to be like you"... the response in my head is "You are just like me.. I struggle too...Just desire to be like GOD" and then urge them to build their relationship with Christ and fight the temptation.    But, all too often, fear of their perception good or bad would hinder me from saying what the Holy Spirit was truly leading me to say. Would they think that I'm too radical? Would they think that I am strange?  This past week, I started reading a book called " Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit" by Francis Chan.  One passage in the book challenged me because it posed the question: "Why Pray for His Presence, If You Do Not Want To Do His Will". I honestly had to check myself.  Granted, God is still my center and I still seek relationship and to be more like him.  However, I must admit that for fear of perception, that relationship has not grown as deeply and as quickly as God was calling it to.  I realize that all of the things that I have been praying about, that have yet to manifest are much in part to me "dragging my feet" spiritually.  So, this blog entry is my step out of fear and into freedom.  Please allow me to introduce myself to some and reintroduce myself to others:

My name is LaShonda.. I am a perfectly imperfect earthen vessel, being shaped and formed by the Master Potter.  I struggle with things just like you... but, I choose to fight them with the weapons that God has given me in a pursuit to be the creation that he intended.  So, no more half stepping.. and no apologies for being who God created me to be.  I know that some will fall away, and I am ready to let them go on their journey because time is short and God needs me to get on my grind. ... and guess what? He has need of you too :-)

Much Love and Happiness to all of you!